A Dream

I had a dream and you were there, you were healthy and happy and were incredibly happy to see me. I was amazed to see you because I thought I lost you forever. You walked like nothing was wrong with your legs and you had your amazingly contagious smile when you looked at me. You ran so fast from the downstairs kitchen table to my room and you were so happy, I could barely keep up with you. I kept on thinking that you were not real because you were not the same as I remembered you. I wanted to spend as much time possible as I could with you because I had no idea how long the joy of being with you would last. Then I woke up and you were gone, I was sad and downtrodden because you were no longer there with me and reality set in, I really have lost you however I hope that we can really be reunited again one day. Losing you was sudden and unexpected and I miss you every day, it has only been 8 month and it feels like we have been separated for years. I love you more than words can say and I hope you are having an amazing time playing with Shadow on Rainbow Bridge. I love you now and forever, always you will be in my heart my lovely baby Whitney. <3  

Nip Bad Memories in the Butt

How many of you can remember something from your past that was completely negative? I am sure anyone who is reading this has because we are all human and if someone has never experienced hurt, betrayal, or a broken heart then that is great however it is not realistic. In life we always have a variety of things that are going on and unfortunately the negative memories that we tend to focus on. I was pondering on this recently and I was wondering why this was the case. In my own life personally I have had a variety of things happen to me both positive and negative however all my life I have really vividly remembered the bad memories, detail for detail, such as the month, date, and time of day that the event occurred. I try to think about positive things however the details are not as vivid in my mind, I only have general thoughts of how these positive memories occurred. I believe that this is the case because when something bad happens to us, it hits us in our core and deeply effects our being and who we are.

I think this is absurd and I would rather remember all of the positive memories as opposed to negative ones and that is why I want to nip bad memories in the butt. I am in no way saying that bad memories should never be experienced and repressed because sometimes a great life lesson is learned from a bad memory. Simply if you have a bad memory try not to feed into it and try to remember the joyful memories in your life. Think about moments of joy, love, faith, or accomplishments and the joy that comes with these memories. I would much rather remember the joy of a baby’s birth, the enormous amount of love two people share at a wedding, a thankful prayer to G-d for all of the blessings in life, and the graduation of someone from school or (cough cough) nursing school! Each and every one of these memories are much better than negative ones and by trying to focus the positives of life you will feel so much better.

 

The Destruction Social Media Can Bring to Our Lives If Used Incorrectly

Our lives now are controlled by advancing technology and social media, instead of going to the bank we are using online banking, instead of sending birthday cards in the mail we are receiving text messages and Facebook comments. While I appreciate the advances in technologies in some aspects like immediate information about a topic while I am studying I can see the destructive side of social media as well.

In our society today people often define themselves and their worth based upon how many “friends”, “followers” or “likes” they have. Even worse the internet has become a place of bullying in addition to schools so the person who is being bullied has no escape and often performs extreme measures to stop the bullying hurting either themselves or others. This is extremely sad and I while I was growing up with the internet relativity new I even saw bullying occurring in passive aggressive manners on things such as AIM.

Our society now based a person’s worth based upon their popularity online and for those who do not have the popularity this lack of being “popular” can cause them to feel worthless and strive to have the lives that others have. This can cause individuals to become someone they are not and live a life that is not really theirs because they are trying to achieve perfection that is not really attainable. We now have extravagant marriage proposals on the internet, pregnancy announcements and posting about accomplishments which make others feel like they are not achieving anything in their lives. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying these things should not be posted if the person is generally wants to share them, however the problem is they are often posted ONLY to brag to others.

These levels of extravagance cause simple things to seem dull, for example with my parents their engagement story may seem dull in today’s standards although it is wonderful for them. They were looking at houses together and my dad asked my mom what she thought of the house they were looking at, she mentioned it was nice but she could not live there unless they were married and my dad said of course so do you want to get married and they were engaged and they went out to celebrate. There was no engagement ring and instead my mom got a house and then a very nice wedding band. Looking at this story it is wonderful however with comparisons to today’s standard people might roll their eyes at this because in the world of social media now it is all about how he asked and how big the ring is.      

I want to stress that social media can be what you make it so PLEASE try not to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others based upon what you see on their online profiles. Although something may seem perfect online it really is not. Also think about this if you have 1000 plus people that you are friends with online who can you really trust in an emergency? Who will come help you on the freeway with flat tire? (besides triple AAA ;) ) True friends really are a blessing so try not to let the perfection of the internet and other individuals successes get to you. Please don’t compare yourself to others on the internet because it will only bring you down. Each and every one of us is special in our own way and we each have our own path in life, don’t let other individual’s lives define how we should live our own.   

 

 

 

 

Pay Positivity Forward

I am currently extremely stressed out amongst the final weeks of the second semester of nursing school. There are two weeks left and in those two weeks I have a total of 3 exams, 1 presentation, 1 quiz, 2 more clinical experiences and of course 3 finals. It is a lot in a two week period and it is easy to say I am extremely stressed. Today I went out to take a study break and I come to my car and see a nice big scratch on it. Upsetting of course however the thing that bothers me the most is not the scratch itself but what the scratch represents. It represents disrespect and a lack of concern for others. Anybody who deliberately intends to destroy another person’s property completely baffles me why is there such disrespect? Why would someone go out of their way to do harm? Despite this setback I did not let it get me and decided that my focus should still be on my studies and the next couple of weeks.

I decided to take myself to lunch and turn my negative experience to a positive one, before I went to lunch I stopped by a mattress store to test out some mattresses to update my 20 some year old one. The sales person that helped me out was phenomenal and I now have a better understanding what I want when I am ready to buy. I then went over to lunch at Islands and I was deep in my studies and my waiter was great as well. I then decided that I wanted to pay my positivity forward and left a pretty generous tip, and walking out of the restaurant I held the door open for an older couple. Although both these things were not significantly extreme it helps to make these individuals’ days a little bit brighter and happier and that is extremely important. Try each and every day to turn negatives into positives and pay the positivity and kindness to others no matter how small the task may be. Have a wonderful day lovely readers!

Five Quirky Things You May Not Know About Me

1)      I am a completely different person when a dog comes around:  

This is not even a joke! I can be seriously professional and as soon as a dog comes by me I turn in to a little kid. I get all giddy inside and I just want to pet it all day long. It is so ridiculous, the baby voice comes out and I say things like: “Oh how cute are you little one!” “How wonderful is that?”, “What do you think about that?”. All of these comments are spoken to my dogs or other dogs. 

 

 

2)      I am an avid “Bath and Body Works” product enthusiast:

I have a little problem when it comes to this store because I currently have a collection of 80 plus shower gels/lotion/soaps/room fragrances. My problem is the fact that I always “need” the newest fragrance. I love all of the new scents and I MUST have all of them. Thankfully I have not bought any more items in a couple of months, however whenever a new fragrance comes out then I have to control myself not to buy it! Some pictures of my collection are below!

Drawer 1

 

 

 

 

                                                                      Drawer 2
 

 

 

3)      I CANNONT stand my belly button being touched at all

This is a weird one however I can’t stand it. If I accidentally touch it I get a cold shiver and freak out.  If I am wearing clothes that have buttons that touch it I freak out. I have no idea why but it is like nails on a chalk board for me.

 

4)      I have a particular system when it comes to books in my bookshelf

 The books must be in order of size and height, the tallest go to the farthest left and then the shortest go towards the right. If I see a book that is out of place I must fix it immediately or else it will continue to bother me.

5)      I cannot stand peanut butter- Shocking!

I cannot eat peanut butter, I cannot smell peanut butter, hands down to me peanut butter is one of the grossest foods I have ever tasted. Funny thing is when I was younger I love it but now I can’t stand it. People are shocked when they hear it but it is the truth!

Leaping with Faith

Each and every day in life is a new adventure that allows for the continued growth to become better individuals than we were in the past. Each step we take further enables up to make a bigger step in the future and further enhances our being.  Recently I really have seen this to be the truth, I feel like I am walking along a river and want to cross however the only way I can involve a variety of stones on the river. God gives us opportunities that he knows we can handle and he allows us to build our being through tiny steps. As I mentioned in a previous blog post I have been terrified of singing in front of others due to my fear of judgment that others have of my voice. I personally can hear when singers are flat, sharp, or not really on the correct note so whenever I do this I cringe and delete any recording I have completing. In the past couple months I have been trying to change this and embrace my voice even if it is not perfect.

This leap to sharing my voice started with a jump into the river.  

Step 1: The first stone that I jumped on was a tiny one so tiny that I almost slipped and fell backwards. This stone involved me singing in my car in the middle of an Applebee’s parking lot. I was terrified however it was progress it can be viewed with the link below.  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152576911519829&l=2777560836482667449

Step 2: The next stone was a bit larger and not as slippery. During a day at my clinical rotation the patients’ were participating in karaoke. The patients’ were enjoying themselves and they expressed that they wanted one of the students to participate so I figured that I might as well go because “it’s now or never to get over my fears”. I got up and sang “You Drive Me Crazy” by Britany Spears. While I was singing everyone at the nurses’ station was “rocking out” and dancing to the song. After I was finished I was greeted by tons of applause and high fives.

Step 3: At the beginning of the month I was involved in Sisterhood Shabbat at my synagogue and the sisterhood was all going to sing “Miriam’s Song” by Debbie Friedman. I was a little early to service so the Cantor called me into the sanctuary to practice the song. I sang the whole thing by self in front of the members who were present at time standing up on the bimah. While I was singing one little girl of one of the members was dancing and singing along. When I was done with the song the little girl came up to me and said “Very pretty” and gave me a hug. In reaction the river this stone was medium size one and although I was nervous I was easily able to get my footing.

Step 4: I signed up to be a part of a show for Purim so right after my song on the bimah I received by part, I was Vashti and my song was “It’s a Hard Day’s Night” by the Beatles. The song was rewritten for Purim and the show happened to be on a Saturday. Before I was about to leave clinical for the day I told my instructor that I was nervous about the show and the song and she was excited about the “musical” aspect of it so she had me sing my song! I was so nervous but it did it and after I was done singing she mentioned that my voice was “strong and soulful”. This stone in the river I jumped on during this stage was on was very large and I was able to jump to it with no problem.

Step 5: Finally the night was upon me, it was the night of the show despite my nerves of making it to the last stone to get to the other side of the river I jumped and then this happened.

 

 

Throughout the past month God had been giving me little tasks to complete in order to show me that I could perform in front of a crowd and that I should share my talents with others. Don’t be afraid to share your talents with others because each and every one of us is blessed with a variety of talents that should be shared.      

To Be Happy You Must Find Yourself

All of my life I have been told that happiness was a choice however I really never believed this phenomenon. I have always let external events and people control my happiness as mentioned in a previous post. I always thought that others controlled my happiness and I could not do anything to change it because external events were triggers for my unpleasant feelings. It has been said that in order to love another you must love yourself first and this is absolutely true however I really never found this to be true as well, that is until recently.

 Recently I experienced a major setback that threw me a loop and I was not sure what I was going to do and I felt so confused. Instead of going to a negative point of view I decided that this is the time to change and I decided from this moment onward I wanted to change who I was. No longer was I going to let others control my destiny but I was going to actively change my life for the better. During my low point you can say that I lost myself but it was not a bad thing because the part of me that I lost was the negative and doubting person I used to be, I lost the girl who always cared what others thought about her, and I lost the girl who constantly needed approval to know she was doing well in life. I found a strong and confident woman who was always willing to go the extra mile to do the right thing. I found a woman who will help others in any situation, I found a woman who is one with God and who absolutely loves and adores him. I found a woman who is legitimately happy and who wishes only happiness on others.  I am a woman who loves others for who they are, no longer do I judge others but rather I accept their differences and look at how we can work together to better enhance the world.

There is no way I could have gotten to the place without my family, my friends, and people who I can legitimately talk to about issues in my life. Perhaps the greatest factor that allowed me to find myself was TBI. About a month ago I walked into the Friday night service and I was welcomed by everyone with welcome arms. I was extremely nervous because I had never been to a service before however from the minute I walked into the sanctuary I was welcomed and felt one with God. I am so grateful for this experience and ever since I walked in that Friday I wanted to become more involved so I am actively involved in TBI events and I even joined the sisterhood. I look forward to Friday nights each and every week.

Finally I would like to thank everyone who helped me get to this place because I finally found myself and the true woman I am supposed to be. I am so extremely thankful for everyone who helped me I am eternally grateful. I have found the true me and I can proudly say I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life.