The Other Side of Skinny

What is the ideal body? All my life society has portrayed the perfect body as one that is free of fat in the midsection and in laymen’s terms a very skinny individual. Individuals strive to obtain this type of body and often go to extreme proportions to gain it. There are countless stories of girls that have an altered body image and unfortunately develop eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. All forms of the media portrayed this image of the ideal “Barbie body” while I was growing up. Perhaps the worst form of media that stresses this “Barbie body” is the modeling industry where girls who are about a size 4-6 are told they are fat and need to lose weight to become a size 0.

All my life I have had this “ideal” body and others are often very envious of it because society tells them that everyone should have my body size. I would like to present what I call “The Other Side of Skinny” and share my story of how the ideal body that lots of girls are striving for is not all what it is cracked up to be. As I mentioned before I have been skinny all of my life and I have never had to work for it. Although in high school I ran cross country and track I did not need to do this as a necessity to keep my skinny body. Additionally I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and I never gain any weight. Whenever people hear about this the usual reaction is, “Wow I hate you! Why are you complaining about that?” They then joke that they will trade some of their body fat they are trying to lose and will give it to me and I gladly say I will accept it. Most times individuals think I am joking however I am completely honest. I would like to gain weight.

Although I may be perceived as a girl with a perfect body it really is a struggle for me to buy clothes that actually fit. Each and every time that I go shopping I pray that I will be able to find pants that actually fit and don’t have a gaping hole at the rear. When I go shopping most times all of the pants I do try on don’t fit quite right, or they fit for say two times I wear them and after that I have to constantly pull them up if I go anywhere. I know what you might be thinking, “Why don’t you just get a belt then?” Well I don’t really care for belts and sometimes even they don’t help as the weight of the belt continues to pull down the pants.

I also my whole life I have constantly struggled with gaining weight. The most recent example took place the summer after 10^th grade which was back in 2006. Due the summer I came down with strep throat, (pesky Streptococcus pyogenes) and I was so sick that I could not eat because my throat hurt so bad. It hurt to the point that I didn’t even drink water so I basically didn’t eat for a week until the medicine took effect. I was relieved when the strep was gone however I lost 10 pounds because I had not eaten. I was very upset that at 15 years old I was only 100 pound and from the summer of 2006 until recently I have been trying to gain the weight back and have not had success until the past couple of weeks. It is pretty crazy that it took 7 years to gain 10 pounds! I would really like to be able to buy clothes that actually fit and not be worried about my hip bones constantly sticking out or my pants constantly falling down.

Recently there is a big drive to show individuals that they do not have to be skinny which I love but at the same time I am now getting criticized for being too skinny when in reality this is how my body was created to be. My mom also was skinny all of her life and I have talked to her many times about her struggles with being so skinny throughout her life and how individuals judged her and critiqued her as well. Although I love this new drive to show women they do not need to be a size 0 I am getting backlash for how my body is. In fact during a break in my Anatomy class in the fall of 2011 a fellow student told me that I should walk up to the parking lot and drive to McDonald’s and eat a cheeseburger because I was too skinny. Another time she said something to the extent that I was so skinny that I must eat bird food to stay so skinny. Although I know she was joking this really hurt me because I have actively been trying to gain weight over the past 7 years and it often is a struggle to do so.

I suppose the underlying message behind this blog is not to complain about my woes of how hard it is to be skinny but to show that “this ideal” that society has been telling women is not as glamorous as it seems. I also wanted to stress the idea that you should not let others tell you how your body should be. God made each and every one of us in his own image and you should not strive to be what society tells you to be like, rather be who you want to be. Set your own standards of how you want your body to be and strive towards that goal. Everyone is beautiful in their own individual way; don’t feel trapped by the societal standard of the “Barbie body” which studies have shown are completely unrealistic. Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder and whether you are “skinny”, “fat”, “short”, or “tall” you are beautiful!         

Taking God's Blessings for Granted

I am sure everyone has heard the phrase, "Don't take things for granted because one day you may no longer have it." This is nothing but the truth. There are so many things in our daily lives that seem trivial to us, that we do indeed take for granted. Simple things such as waking up each day, the ability to walk or something that may seem even more trivial such as the ability to sing are overlooked and taken for granted on a daily basis. Don't forget to appreciate little things like this in your daily life.

I throughout my life have always been able to carry a tune and have been a better singer than some people. I obviously do not have the capabilities of a contestant on American Idol however I was pretty good. All throughout my high school career and even into college I was a soprano and proud of it. I was able to sing songs from "Phantom of the Opera" and could follow along with most songs on the radio. There is a catch though, I would never sing in public UNLESS I was in a group or in a play. I have always been afraid that people would judge my singing and point out errors such as when notes were flat or sharp. I did that myself so I thought that others would as well. Due to this silly thinking I never shared my voice with anyone but myself and occasionally family members but even then I got embarrassed.

Lets now fast-forward to the winter of 2012, at this point I had been coaching soccer to preschoolers for about 6 months and I was absolutely loving it. I was in the middle of a class and I was projecting my voice when all of a sudden I went to say something and nothing but a really bad sounding squeak came out of my mouth. I was shocked by this and I went to talk again and the same crazy squeak came out. I went on with the class as best as I could and went home for the day. The next morning I woke up and the squeaky voice was still present and I was really frustrated. My vocal range was completely absent and when I tried to talk a high pitched squeak came out. The squeak thinking back was kind of equivalent to a dog toy squeaker which is NOT an attractive noise as all. I pressed on with my classes and tried the best I could and eventually when my voice did not return went to the doctors office and was diagnosed with laryngitis. I was prescribed medicine to help my voice return and it did...very slowly.

Once my normal voice had returned I was thrilled after all the squeak was gone right? Well it was gone for the most part however when I overused my voice as I did much when I was coaching soccer I continuously heard the squeak. I learned to accept this and whenever someone said something about my voice, I just joked that I like a little boy going through puberty, in reality I did not think this was funny as all. Time went by and in May of this year I went to the doctor's office for a physical for nursing school and I asked him about the issue of my voice. He asked questions that would indicate that I had a loss of voice due to allergies and I had never noticed the symptoms he mentioned so I said no to all of his questions. Upon physical examination he found that I could have a loss of my voice triggered by allergies.

As a future nurse and self proclaimed geek I am going to get a little scientific here. The  doctor recommended a combination of Allegra and Flonase. The Allegra is an anti-histamine and works to  decrease the histamine response my body was producing to simple things such as pollen, animals dander and stuff of that nature. The Flonase helps with decreasing the amount of post-nasal drip that was also produced by these allergens. I was told to try this combination for about 15 days to see if it helped. I tried this combination and I thought a miracle had occurred. Each and everyday I heard my voice getting stronger and my co-workers, family, and even kids who I taught were noticing the improvement in my voice! The squeak was gone everywhere except my singing voice. Each and everyday my singing voice is improving however I have a feeling I will never be able to get up to the high notes I was once able to achieve.

I now consider myself a strong alto although I was a soprano my whole life. Looking back I kind of regret not sharing my higher voice with others. In this instance I took my voice that God provided to me for granted and through overuse, allergies or some other unknown reason lost it. Although I miss my high pitched singing voice ironically I can say I found my strong VOICE. All my life I have been shy and unsure when to speak up and when to keep things I was thinking to myself. Throughout the past couple years I have found my strength and who I truly am. Perhaps this is why I lost my voice as a lesson from God to let go of my weaknesses and embrace my strengths. Remember NEVER and I mean NEVER take anything you have in this life for granted. Although my voice may seem trivial it is really important to me and I honestly wish I could go back and share my God given blessing to anyone who would like to hear it. Always remember EVERYTHING in your life is a blessing.  

Positivity and the Universe

There has been so much going on since my last post! I have been finishing up the spring season of soccer and will be starting the summer session soon. It is crazy to think that I have been coaching for almost two years!! I know that come August I will find it very bittersweet to stop coaching and begin nursing school to advance my career. I have been coaching for so long and to most of the kids I am a superhero! I hope that I can make some of those positive connections to children as well as adults I will be working with as a nurse in the near future. Besides working a whole lot I also recently found out that my apartment unit has been confirmed for my August move in date!! Woo hoo!!!! I am so excited to move in come August and officially meet my roommate. She seems like an awesome person so I am so excited about that. PLUS our apartment number happens to include one of my favorite numbers which makes it even better. 

I would like to write a post about keeping a positive attitude and exemplifying this positivity to the universe to help obtain what you want. There have been so many instances in this past couple years when this has been proven true over and over. For example about two years ago I really wanted to start playing soccer again. I put that thought into the universe and about a week later I saw an ad for a company that was hiring to coach youth soccer! I was thrilled, applied, and have been working for the company for almost two years and absolutely love it. More recently I really wanted to find out what apartment I was going to be living in the next year. About a day ago I put the thought into the universe and received the news of my apartment today! I have many other examples where this is true as well.  

If you want something all you have to do is keep a positive attitude and put your thoughts out into the universe. It may not come immediately however with a positive attitude you can achieve or obtain whatever you want. Every time I have done the opposite I have not gotten what I had set out to achieve. 

Perhaps the most influential time positivity into the universe has helped me was when I found out that I was accepted into Western University of Health Sciences. If you would have talked to me about this graduate school a year ago I would have no idea what you were talking about. I recently found out about this gem of a school about mid-August of last year when I was in the process of applying to all sort of graduate schools for nursing. I was set on CSUF, UCLA, or University of Rochester however I was exploring other universities as well. While I was searching I happened to see Western U and grew curious about it. I noticed that Western had an upcoming preview day so I signed up to see what the school was all about. I attended the preview day and as the day progressed I felt a stronger and stronger desire that this was THE school for me. In a nursing MSN-E workshop I discovered that each year a select few applicants that stand out above the rest are chosen to be early entry students. The minute I heard about that I set out to be one of those exemplary applicants. I immediately went home and wrote my personal statement. I already had great grades and just needed to complete some additional hours at the hospital I was volunteering at. I submitted my application and waited for about 3 months. On paper three months seems like a short time however it seemed like an eternity! In mid-January I received an email and my heart dropped when I read the subject line, "Early Acceptance Opportunity Day". My heart was beating so fast from excitement that I had to read the email about 5 times before it sank in. I was chosen to come to an early acceptance day in lieu of a formal interview. I was so thrilled that I immediately responded that I would attend. 

The day came and I was extremely nervous so I got to the school about an hour early and just waited in my car. While I was waiting I actually received a call from the University of Rochester informing me that I had been accepted into the Rochester nursing program that was about to begin in May. I was thrilled with this good news however I really still wanted to attend Western. I finally walked into the building and only saw a couple other name tags on the check in table and proceeded upstairs to the conference room we were meeting. We had a delicious complimentary breakfast and started the day. After introductions we found out the school chose 7 applicants to attend this event out of a total of 566 that applied. This statement absolutely thrilled me and we proceeded with the day.  Again just like preview day I fell even more in love with the school the more I learned about it. I left the early entry day and waited for what seemed like an eternity when in reality it was probably 3 weeks. 

The day I was accepted I opened my emails expecting nothing and there it was an email with the subject line, “MSNE ACCEPT.” I opened the email to confirm that I was accepted and I screamed so loud and kept on jumping up and down. The feeling of euphoria lasted about a day or two and it was by far the best feeling I have ever experienced. This story clearly shows that if you put out your desires into the universe and maintain a positive attitude you will be able to achieve what you want. I am so excited to begin this journey in about two months!!