Connect Back to Reality

Do you frequent social media sites? If so how long do you spend on these sites? Are you more fully engaged into the social media world or living in the present moment? While the intent of these sites is to allow us to connect to those in distant places and share aspects of our own lives they become a crutch and we become addicted to them. Each and everyday I see individuals buried in their phones ignoring family and friends everywhere because what is on their phones is “more important.” We are so adamant about being on our phones that we have forgotten how to interact with others face to face.

        When I was a kid the phone was only found in the home and cameras still had film that you had to take to the store and develop. I remember always wanting to go with my mom to pick up the pictures because I would wonder what the pictures would look like and the element of surprise was very exciting. Now we live in a world where we constantly take multiple pictures to “get our best shot”, and use filters which edits our every flaw. Our lives have gone from private and shared with our family and closest friends to extremely public to the point that anyone can complete a search on another individual and discover a variety of information. With a simple phone number and name, you can find out a large amount of information about another person you have never met.  While the intent of social media as mentioned is to connect us it actually is disconnecting us. Social media is also creating a society that is addicted to the validation that posts bring to them. Very often instead of posting something to share a memory individuals are posting on these platforms for the sole purpose to obtain likes, comments, and the positive validation that these bring. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with sharing a memory however a problem exists when posts are for the sole purpose of validation. Ten years ago when social media sites were just in their earliest form no one would think to share photos of their daily lives or meals however this is a reality and a constant in our daily lives.

In addition to the problem of validation for the individual who is posting, a problem also exists for the individual on the other side of the screen. While it is a common knowledge that posts are a false reality of an individual’s actual life, this illusion of a perfect reality creates a world were individuals compare themselves to others and judge their own self-worth based upon others successes. Comparison can create a negative sense of self- esteem, and feelings of failure in life that a person in not at the point in life that they are supposed to be at based upon where others are in their lives. Countless study have found a correlation between comparison that individuals make between others and themselves on social media sites. A study by Primack et al. (2017) found that there was linear associations between the number of social media platforms that were used and both anxiety and depression. Furthermore, for individuals who had more social media platforms specifically seven to eleven this odd increased.  It is interesting that something which was meant to connect us would actually be contributing negatively to our mental health.

Do likes really matter? See the beauty in each and everyday.

Something needs to be done about this problem about oversharing for validation and comparison from the viewer.  While we will never go back to the time before social media existed I wish we could do something like it. At this point in time all that can be done is a social media detox and time dedicated to actual interactions between friends and family. At the end of the day the question can be posed, what is more important millions of likes and friends on social media or lasting meaningful connections with others in real life?

 Please enjoy this classic song by Simon and Garfunkel which highlights the problem we face today.

Reference

Primack, B.A., Shensa, A., Escobar-Viera, C,G., Barrett, E.L., Sidani, J.E., Colditz, J.B., James, E. (2017). Use of multiple social media platforms and symptoms of depression and anxiety: A nationally-representative study among U.S. young adults. Computers in Human Behavior, 69, 1-9.

Disconnect to Connect

Technology has come a long way in such a short time, it is to the point where technology literally rules our lives on a daily basis. Technology is present when completing homework for school, using a computer on the job, or as a means for paying for things literally at any store.  It is seldom that a day does not go by where some form of technology is used. Growing up I remember a time where technology did not completely rule daily life and during this time, my imagination was my playground. As a kid I would play make believe outside, would get lost in a new world while reading a book, or would have fun attempting to solve a jigsaw puzzle or would build my own Lego city. Times sure have changed, and nowadays kids are glued to some form of technology and this often becomes a kids “go to” form of fun. While there are still kids who play on the playground and have fun “the old fashion way” more often than not kids are glued to technology. Kids are not the only culprits however; it seems like everyone is vulnerable. I have seen parents at the park on their phones instead of watching their kids, two individuals on a date who are both on their phones as opposed to talking to one another, and see on a daily basis individuals documenting their lives through some form of social media. Call me old school but I don’t think this is really necessary to document everyday occurrences or share every aspect of life with the world. I certainty have shared things in the past, however I do so pretty seldom.

A couple of weeks ago I left the house and forgot my phone and decided to leave it because in reality I did not need it. The day was extremely beautiful and instead of taking a picture to remember the moment in the future I was able to cherish the moment and appreciate the moment for what it was. This unfortunately is no longer occurring and we turn to social media to remember practically anything. Our lives are defined by how many followers or “friends” we have, or are defined by how many likes we get. The more friends or likes that are obtained on social media often define how a person feels about themselves however this does not need to be the case.  While technology and social media were intended to connect individuals, it has been increasingly disconnecting us. Individuals never talk anymore, instead they rely on text messages or a computer to communicate which can often cause confusion in how to interpret a message. Individuals do not savor a moment, instead as I mentioned previously they immediately post it on some form of social media.  Call me crazy but I think this needs to stop, in no way am I advocating for eliminating technology and social media, I think that we need to reduce the amount of time that time that is spent on or with technology. Call it a technology detox but try to eliminate technology from daily life in increments such as 30 minutes at a time daily to use this time to connect to others. A technology detox will help individuals to appreciate the small things that often get ignored and taken for granted on a daily basis. While I am very grateful for technology and all that it can do, I do believe that we are too reliant on it therefore in order for us to better connect with one another we must first disconnect.         

Is this the Correct Path for Me?

There are countless opportunities and paths that we can go through on a daily basis. Forks in the road where decisions need to be made. Daily life can be full of "what ifs" that can lead to completely different ways of life. 2015 has been full of what ifs for me and there are many paths that I could have chosen however for some reason or other, I either chose a different path, or the things I wanted to happen didn't work out. Life was full of opportunities, joy and heartbreak and these experiences influenced me to become the person I am today. I still have to wonder though how my life could have been if things have gone differently and had gone the way I expected them to be. I can only ask questions such as, would I be as happy? How would my other self be? How would life look right now from the other side of life?



Although I can always wonder what if, each and every event which may have seemed unfortunate or unfair at the time defined and shaped me into a better version of myself. I passed up amazing opportunities due to circumstances beyond my control however in the long run new opportunities came which I believe are so much better for me. I met people who were not great for me, however they allowed me to see what type of people I do want to associate with and what type of people I do want to accept into my life.

As I am about to enter into 2016 I am so much of a better version of myself and I am excited to learn how to become even better. Despite all the “what ifs”, and ways that my life could have been, I am extremely happy with every step even if they seemed hard at the time. I embrace all opportunities that come to me and look forward to the new year and the countless opportunities that will come. They may not be exactly what I had thought in 2015, however I am ready to see what 2016 will bring.     

Simple Blessings

What would you say are blessings in your life? Very often in our world today blessings are defined based upon our own personal success, material objects, and accomplishments. Especially in the United States, the hashtag #firstworldproblems is used to talk about “problems” such as a broken phone, an “uncool car”, or something as silly as not being able to login to social media. While I understand how some people consider these things to be “problems” I personally try to focus my energy on issues that are much larger than these such as how to create a world where more often than not everyone gets along and where we together to create the world a better place to be for everyone.

Recently I was thinking about blessings in my life and I realized how much we often take for granted that are truly blessings. This past week I was sick and due to a sinus infection, I developed an ear infection that left me unable to hear in one of my ears. As a person who enjoys music and learns songs through hearing them it was incredibly difficult for me to not be able to hear out one of my ears. When I did attempt to sing, it was crazy not being able to hear myself. Despite my frustration for this I realized how lucky I am that I normally do have the ability to hear and this hearing loss is just temporary and will be relieved. Our senses alone are amazing, however very rarely do we really stop to realize how blessed we are to experience them. Throughout my life I have lost my voice due to laryngitis, taste due to the common cold, and now recently my hearing due to a sinus infection. Although I could have taken time to mourn the loss of these at the time, I just felt more grateful that under normal circumstances I get blessed to have all of my senses working. This made me even more impressed with individuals who are going through life and who do not get to experience the beauty of all of the senses. One such individual, Andrea Bocelli, cannot see yet has a successful music career and one of the greatest voices of our time. Seeing individuals like this just make me more grateful and thankful for all of the blessings in my life.

The next time you are down, think about all of the blessings in your life that you may take for granted. Life isn’t about the greatest car, phone, or most successful job rather it is about appreciating every day and the beauty that comes with the day. Leaves falling, the sunshine on your skin during a spring day, or the gentle breeze of a summer day in addition to our senses are such blessings that often get taken for granted. I hope that you can find at least one thing to be grateful for on a daily basis, because it is the little things that really make a difference and enrich our lives.       

Be the Change That You Would Like to See in the World

     By the very nature of my blogs mission statement located above it is apparent that my goal is to help others no matter how small the task is. I try to accomplish this on a daily basis by doing small things such as holding the door open for others, helping out someone pick up something they have dropped, or simply trying to brighten up someone’s day. No matter the task I enjoy doing it because seeing others happy makes me happy to have positively influenced their lives.  If you are a “follower” of my blog, many of you may remember that a couple months ago, I lost an amazing job opportunity due to circumstances that were out of my control. I wrote about it here and at the time I did not understand why it occurred however so much more came from this loss.

      I have always wanted to “make my mark” somehow in our world, don’t get me wrong this does not include fame and fortune but just somehow touching the lives of others. I recently discovered that I have made a small mark by changing a state policy which now allows individuals a smoother transition when seeking licensure in this particular state. If you told me five years ago I would have changed a state policy I would have told you that you were crazy, however this is my reality. Although I was not personally able to start a job in this state, I now know that others in my position have an easier time when they seek licensure and have jobs on the line. My story just goes to show you have no idea what kind of an impact that you can make on the world. If you see something you would like to change feel free to try to do something to change it to be even better than it already is. With this small change I can only imagine what I can accomplish in the future but I am excited to find out! No matter how small something may seem it can make a lasting impact on our world and lives as we know it.

One song that personifies my values of helping and making a lasting and positive mark on our world is  “I Was Here” sung by Kristin Chenoweth. I hope you enjoy the song.

 

A Ray of Sunshine Among the Clouds

Very recently in sunny California, we have experienced quite a few weeks where the weather was overcast and pretty gloomy.  While I would be driving I would notice all of gloomy clouds which seemed to be a constant for quite a couple weeks. During one week however I noticed a small ray of sunshine peaking throughout the clouds which was beautiful and I got a feeling that it was symbolic of something, but I didn’t know quite what it was yet. Each and every day at about the same time I saw this beautiful ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds and continued to question what it meant. Then one day I discovered the meaning for it and it only enhanced the beauty even more, in fact, after I realized what this symbolized the next time I was driving there were about ten rays of sunshine poking out from the clouds and it was even more beautiful than before.  This somewhat vague story just goes to show you that no matter what is happening in your life you will persevere and make it through. Whether it is looking for a job, a partner, or just making new friends you never know what G-d has in store for you. Things may not work out as you wished they would have, however you never know what is just around the corner which is even greater than what you had previously imagined to have in your life.    

Timing….Why Can’t This Work Now?

Did you ever want something so much and it just didn’t work out? The past couple months has been a whirlwind of stress, I can honestly say I have been on a never ending roller coaster full of highs, lows,  multiples joy, as well as heartbreak. I received a call from a certain hospital and they offered me a job! Ever since I received the job offer I was on a mission to start my new life, I planned out this life and made it my mission to achieve this goal and to work at this dream facility. Since the time of the job offer, I created a plan and studied nonstop for 2 months, my test date came and I passed in 75 questions…something I never thought I was going to do. Ever since I passed I thought that the life I planned was going to actually happen! I celebrated, went to the place I would then reside in, paid money, and then two days later I got another call from the board… a technicality was going to prevent me from starting this new life. I was devastated the life that I planned and aspired to have two months earlier just crumbled as if a wrecking ball slammed into a building. After my initial shock and devastation I was angry because I was perfectly qualified however this technicality would prevent me from starting my new life. As the weeks went by it slowly got easier however it still hurts and I still question why this occurred. I was so close, and at the last minute plans changed, I still do not understand why this occurred but it has. In this situation timing is everything, I had to get everything done by a certain time so due to this deadline I made it my goal to pass my boards and start working at this facility, as I mentioned above I studied nonstop for two months, I passed my boards with the minimum amount of questions and did all that I could in my power to complete everything on time. The only thing that prevented me from attaining my goal was timing. This led me to question why this timing was not on my side, I may not know this now or ever understand why it didn’t work out for me now but I know it will eventually work out for me.

Although this sound like a sad story it has allowed me to gain so much including:

1) It allowed me to understand that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be

2) It allowed me to see that I should not doubt my abilities or question my intelligence

3) It allowed me to develop new friendship and gain family I never knew I had

 

Overall although it is one of the hardest losses I have ever had to experience it showed me that despite my desire to be in control I have to learn to let go and allow myself to follow G-ds timing in everything. I may never know why this did not work out from me now because it is not the right time, my time will come although I will not know exactly when this is. Perhaps it is in 3 months, perhaps it is in 6 months or even a year from now. When it is the right time, everything will work out. Timing is everything and I will become all that I want to be I just may need to wait for awhile.

Was there ever a time where the timing was not ideal and you lost something? I would love to hear your stories!!