Believe in Yourself

Wow! I have not blogged for over 3 months; however you can’t blame me because nursing school is all encompassing and consumes all of my time. Despite all of the studying I have to do I absolutely love nursing school  as I get to learn all sorts of cool things each and every day. It is amazing how much I have learned in a mere 7 weeks. I find myself confident now performing tasks that gave me great difficulty in the beginning of the program. Each and every day I find myself growing in my confidence. This just solidifies the fact that you CAN accomplish anything you set your mind to. It may take some time to actually accomplish but just know you can achieve it. Have faith and believe in yourself!  <3  

One Step Closer

Although it seems the summer has just started I am extremely excited for nursing school to start in August. It is hard to believe that Welcome Week starts in only 30 days and school officially starts in 42 days. About a year and a half ago I began this journey to accomplish my dream to become a nurse  when I began taking my prerequisite courses. Even now as I prepare to start school I still feel a sense of nostalgia that it is actually happing. I never thought that I would get the opportunity to go to such an excellent school especially as an early admit student. I know the next year is going to be one of the most intensive years of my life academically, physically and I bet even emotionally however no matter what challenges I am going to face up ahead I know that I can accomplish anything. I was even so excited about school that I already bought 6 books out of my required 14 books. Intensive much?

  I am ready to start the next step of my journey to accomplish my goal; finally I am one step closer. It took me awhile to get to this place as I originally went to UCLA and obtained a Psychology degree however upon graduation I knew in my heart that psychology was not for me. I really wanted to help others in a more direct and in my opinion influential way.

Never give up on your dreams no matter how hard they seem. Whether it is something related to school, a career, or a relationship, you have to remember that you may not be in the place you want to be right at this moment but you WILL get there as long as you never give up. I never thought I would be at this place a year and a half ago and I now am going to accomplish my goal. Your dream may come quick for you, or it may be long set into the future however through determination, hard work, and baby steps you will accomplish all you set out to do. Remember each and every day you are one step closer to your dreams.

Change of Heart

I feel one of the most important things an individual can carry with them is an open heart. I am not talking about a person that gets taken advantage of and gets walked all over. Rather I feel a person should be open hearted in the sense that they carry their own opinions with them but they do not hold so closely onto these opinions that they try to force their opinions on others. A silly but true example of this can be displayed in my life a couple of years ago. About 2-3 years ago I was the proud owner of two beautiful Labrador retriever’s. My dog's names were Shadow and Whitney. I loved my dogs with all of my heart but what bugged me so much was individuals who brought their tiny little "Fru Fru dogs" to the mall in little strollers and dressed them up in little outfits. This behavior drove me crazy and I remember telling everyone I knew that I was going to bring my dogs Shadow and Whitney to the mall and parade them around just like the little dogs do and see what happened. I never did this of course but at the time I wanted to prove a point that little dogs did not deserve any special treatment just because they were smaller, I thought that if little dogs were allowed into the mall mine should as well despite their large size. The other aspect of little dogs that I could not stand was the little outfits that individuals dressed their dogs in. I looked at this at the time as animal abuse as I believed that dogs did not need clothes because they had fur. Let me repeat I could NOT stand clothes on dogs.

 Let’s not fast forward to the winter of 2012. I had recently lost my best friend since I was eight years old, Shadow due to old age and it really took a toll on me.  A couple months after he passed away my sister was given the opportunity to adopt a smaller dog and this is when Dexter became a part of our family. He was a much smaller dog than I was used to and therefore his old owner had clothes for him. I still held my opinion about the dog clothes however Dexter was so cute that I was not so bothered by the clothes that he had. They were mostly sweaters for the winter months so I figured that was actually pretty practical because he was so small. Time went by and I loved seeing him in all of his outfits. We also got Lottie a Miniature Poodle a couple months back and by the time I got her in the winter of 2013 I loved looking at different outfits I could get for her. I even bought her a little yellow polka dot dress for summer. She doesn't wear it all the time, however compared to where I was a couple years ago this was a HUGE step for me as I vowed I would never and I mean never buy dog clothes.

From this story I would like to stress that although you may have a strong opinion about something now you never know where you will be in a couple of years. This is also important to remember in terms of relationships with others. You may have a strong opinion about something going on in another person’s life however you need to remember that it is not your life and you to think before you say what is on your mind. You can never take something you say back and you never know if you will have a different opinion about an issue in a couple of years. You never want to destroy a relationship all because of differing opinions. For example say a member of your family is dating an individual that you do not particularly care for. Perhaps they do not hold the greatest job at this point of time or perhaps you feel that the relationship is going a bit too fast. If you voice your opinion to your family member you will risk the relationship based upon a silly opinion that you hold at the time. A destroyed relationship is not worth it because you have to remember opinions and feelings constantly change you never know how you will feel about something you dislike now in a couple of months or even a year. I am guilty of this and I have unfortunately destroyed relationships that I had cherished in my life all because I wanted to say what was on my mind when I wanted to say it. These lost relationships have caused me pain and a feeling of rejection because I now no longer am in contact with the individual's all because I wanted to say what is on my mind.

I want to share with you that you never know where you are going to be in a couple year so always and I mean ALWAYS think before you are going to say something. Although you may be feeling a certain way in the heat of the moment you may always change your opinion and have a change of heart. On the flip side if you have been wronged by an individual in the past and they have insulted you in some form or another although you may feel angry you too can have a change of heart. It may not be easy however if you truly value the relationship it is definitely worth a try. Remember everyone no matter what circumstance they are in can experience a change of heart and hopefully this will be for the better and will enhance individual relationships everywhere.

The Other Side of Skinny

What is the ideal body? All my life society has portrayed the perfect body as one that is free of fat in the midsection and in laymen’s terms a very skinny individual. Individuals strive to obtain this type of body and often go to extreme proportions to gain it. There are countless stories of girls that have an altered body image and unfortunately develop eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. All forms of the media portrayed this image of the ideal “Barbie body” while I was growing up. Perhaps the worst form of media that stresses this “Barbie body” is the modeling industry where girls who are about a size 4-6 are told they are fat and need to lose weight to become a size 0.

All my life I have had this “ideal” body and others are often very envious of it because society tells them that everyone should have my body size. I would like to present what I call “The Other Side of Skinny” and share my story of how the ideal body that lots of girls are striving for is not all what it is cracked up to be. As I mentioned before I have been skinny all of my life and I have never had to work for it. Although in high school I ran cross country and track I did not need to do this as a necessity to keep my skinny body. Additionally I can eat whatever I want whenever I want and I never gain any weight. Whenever people hear about this the usual reaction is, “Wow I hate you! Why are you complaining about that?” They then joke that they will trade some of their body fat they are trying to lose and will give it to me and I gladly say I will accept it. Most times individuals think I am joking however I am completely honest. I would like to gain weight.

Although I may be perceived as a girl with a perfect body it really is a struggle for me to buy clothes that actually fit. Each and every time that I go shopping I pray that I will be able to find pants that actually fit and don’t have a gaping hole at the rear. When I go shopping most times all of the pants I do try on don’t fit quite right, or they fit for say two times I wear them and after that I have to constantly pull them up if I go anywhere. I know what you might be thinking, “Why don’t you just get a belt then?” Well I don’t really care for belts and sometimes even they don’t help as the weight of the belt continues to pull down the pants.

I also my whole life I have constantly struggled with gaining weight. The most recent example took place the summer after 10^th grade which was back in 2006. Due the summer I came down with strep throat, (pesky Streptococcus pyogenes) and I was so sick that I could not eat because my throat hurt so bad. It hurt to the point that I didn’t even drink water so I basically didn’t eat for a week until the medicine took effect. I was relieved when the strep was gone however I lost 10 pounds because I had not eaten. I was very upset that at 15 years old I was only 100 pound and from the summer of 2006 until recently I have been trying to gain the weight back and have not had success until the past couple of weeks. It is pretty crazy that it took 7 years to gain 10 pounds! I would really like to be able to buy clothes that actually fit and not be worried about my hip bones constantly sticking out or my pants constantly falling down.

Recently there is a big drive to show individuals that they do not have to be skinny which I love but at the same time I am now getting criticized for being too skinny when in reality this is how my body was created to be. My mom also was skinny all of her life and I have talked to her many times about her struggles with being so skinny throughout her life and how individuals judged her and critiqued her as well. Although I love this new drive to show women they do not need to be a size 0 I am getting backlash for how my body is. In fact during a break in my Anatomy class in the fall of 2011 a fellow student told me that I should walk up to the parking lot and drive to McDonald’s and eat a cheeseburger because I was too skinny. Another time she said something to the extent that I was so skinny that I must eat bird food to stay so skinny. Although I know she was joking this really hurt me because I have actively been trying to gain weight over the past 7 years and it often is a struggle to do so.

I suppose the underlying message behind this blog is not to complain about my woes of how hard it is to be skinny but to show that “this ideal” that society has been telling women is not as glamorous as it seems. I also wanted to stress the idea that you should not let others tell you how your body should be. God made each and every one of us in his own image and you should not strive to be what society tells you to be like, rather be who you want to be. Set your own standards of how you want your body to be and strive towards that goal. Everyone is beautiful in their own individual way; don’t feel trapped by the societal standard of the “Barbie body” which studies have shown are completely unrealistic. Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder and whether you are “skinny”, “fat”, “short”, or “tall” you are beautiful!         

Taking God's Blessings for Granted

I am sure everyone has heard the phrase, "Don't take things for granted because one day you may no longer have it." This is nothing but the truth. There are so many things in our daily lives that seem trivial to us, that we do indeed take for granted. Simple things such as waking up each day, the ability to walk or something that may seem even more trivial such as the ability to sing are overlooked and taken for granted on a daily basis. Don't forget to appreciate little things like this in your daily life.

I throughout my life have always been able to carry a tune and have been a better singer than some people. I obviously do not have the capabilities of a contestant on American Idol however I was pretty good. All throughout my high school career and even into college I was a soprano and proud of it. I was able to sing songs from "Phantom of the Opera" and could follow along with most songs on the radio. There is a catch though, I would never sing in public UNLESS I was in a group or in a play. I have always been afraid that people would judge my singing and point out errors such as when notes were flat or sharp. I did that myself so I thought that others would as well. Due to this silly thinking I never shared my voice with anyone but myself and occasionally family members but even then I got embarrassed.

Lets now fast-forward to the winter of 2012, at this point I had been coaching soccer to preschoolers for about 6 months and I was absolutely loving it. I was in the middle of a class and I was projecting my voice when all of a sudden I went to say something and nothing but a really bad sounding squeak came out of my mouth. I was shocked by this and I went to talk again and the same crazy squeak came out. I went on with the class as best as I could and went home for the day. The next morning I woke up and the squeaky voice was still present and I was really frustrated. My vocal range was completely absent and when I tried to talk a high pitched squeak came out. The squeak thinking back was kind of equivalent to a dog toy squeaker which is NOT an attractive noise as all. I pressed on with my classes and tried the best I could and eventually when my voice did not return went to the doctors office and was diagnosed with laryngitis. I was prescribed medicine to help my voice return and it did...very slowly.

Once my normal voice had returned I was thrilled after all the squeak was gone right? Well it was gone for the most part however when I overused my voice as I did much when I was coaching soccer I continuously heard the squeak. I learned to accept this and whenever someone said something about my voice, I just joked that I like a little boy going through puberty, in reality I did not think this was funny as all. Time went by and in May of this year I went to the doctor's office for a physical for nursing school and I asked him about the issue of my voice. He asked questions that would indicate that I had a loss of voice due to allergies and I had never noticed the symptoms he mentioned so I said no to all of his questions. Upon physical examination he found that I could have a loss of my voice triggered by allergies.

As a future nurse and self proclaimed geek I am going to get a little scientific here. The  doctor recommended a combination of Allegra and Flonase. The Allegra is an anti-histamine and works to  decrease the histamine response my body was producing to simple things such as pollen, animals dander and stuff of that nature. The Flonase helps with decreasing the amount of post-nasal drip that was also produced by these allergens. I was told to try this combination for about 15 days to see if it helped. I tried this combination and I thought a miracle had occurred. Each and everyday I heard my voice getting stronger and my co-workers, family, and even kids who I taught were noticing the improvement in my voice! The squeak was gone everywhere except my singing voice. Each and everyday my singing voice is improving however I have a feeling I will never be able to get up to the high notes I was once able to achieve.

I now consider myself a strong alto although I was a soprano my whole life. Looking back I kind of regret not sharing my higher voice with others. In this instance I took my voice that God provided to me for granted and through overuse, allergies or some other unknown reason lost it. Although I miss my high pitched singing voice ironically I can say I found my strong VOICE. All my life I have been shy and unsure when to speak up and when to keep things I was thinking to myself. Throughout the past couple years I have found my strength and who I truly am. Perhaps this is why I lost my voice as a lesson from God to let go of my weaknesses and embrace my strengths. Remember NEVER and I mean NEVER take anything you have in this life for granted. Although my voice may seem trivial it is really important to me and I honestly wish I could go back and share my God given blessing to anyone who would like to hear it. Always remember EVERYTHING in your life is a blessing.  

Positivity and the Universe

There has been so much going on since my last post! I have been finishing up the spring season of soccer and will be starting the summer session soon. It is crazy to think that I have been coaching for almost two years!! I know that come August I will find it very bittersweet to stop coaching and begin nursing school to advance my career. I have been coaching for so long and to most of the kids I am a superhero! I hope that I can make some of those positive connections to children as well as adults I will be working with as a nurse in the near future. Besides working a whole lot I also recently found out that my apartment unit has been confirmed for my August move in date!! Woo hoo!!!! I am so excited to move in come August and officially meet my roommate. She seems like an awesome person so I am so excited about that. PLUS our apartment number happens to include one of my favorite numbers which makes it even better. 

I would like to write a post about keeping a positive attitude and exemplifying this positivity to the universe to help obtain what you want. There have been so many instances in this past couple years when this has been proven true over and over. For example about two years ago I really wanted to start playing soccer again. I put that thought into the universe and about a week later I saw an ad for a company that was hiring to coach youth soccer! I was thrilled, applied, and have been working for the company for almost two years and absolutely love it. More recently I really wanted to find out what apartment I was going to be living in the next year. About a day ago I put the thought into the universe and received the news of my apartment today! I have many other examples where this is true as well.  

If you want something all you have to do is keep a positive attitude and put your thoughts out into the universe. It may not come immediately however with a positive attitude you can achieve or obtain whatever you want. Every time I have done the opposite I have not gotten what I had set out to achieve. 

Perhaps the most influential time positivity into the universe has helped me was when I found out that I was accepted into Western University of Health Sciences. If you would have talked to me about this graduate school a year ago I would have no idea what you were talking about. I recently found out about this gem of a school about mid-August of last year when I was in the process of applying to all sort of graduate schools for nursing. I was set on CSUF, UCLA, or University of Rochester however I was exploring other universities as well. While I was searching I happened to see Western U and grew curious about it. I noticed that Western had an upcoming preview day so I signed up to see what the school was all about. I attended the preview day and as the day progressed I felt a stronger and stronger desire that this was THE school for me. In a nursing MSN-E workshop I discovered that each year a select few applicants that stand out above the rest are chosen to be early entry students. The minute I heard about that I set out to be one of those exemplary applicants. I immediately went home and wrote my personal statement. I already had great grades and just needed to complete some additional hours at the hospital I was volunteering at. I submitted my application and waited for about 3 months. On paper three months seems like a short time however it seemed like an eternity! In mid-January I received an email and my heart dropped when I read the subject line, "Early Acceptance Opportunity Day". My heart was beating so fast from excitement that I had to read the email about 5 times before it sank in. I was chosen to come to an early acceptance day in lieu of a formal interview. I was so thrilled that I immediately responded that I would attend. 

The day came and I was extremely nervous so I got to the school about an hour early and just waited in my car. While I was waiting I actually received a call from the University of Rochester informing me that I had been accepted into the Rochester nursing program that was about to begin in May. I was thrilled with this good news however I really still wanted to attend Western. I finally walked into the building and only saw a couple other name tags on the check in table and proceeded upstairs to the conference room we were meeting. We had a delicious complimentary breakfast and started the day. After introductions we found out the school chose 7 applicants to attend this event out of a total of 566 that applied. This statement absolutely thrilled me and we proceeded with the day.  Again just like preview day I fell even more in love with the school the more I learned about it. I left the early entry day and waited for what seemed like an eternity when in reality it was probably 3 weeks. 

The day I was accepted I opened my emails expecting nothing and there it was an email with the subject line, “MSNE ACCEPT.” I opened the email to confirm that I was accepted and I screamed so loud and kept on jumping up and down. The feeling of euphoria lasted about a day or two and it was by far the best feeling I have ever experienced. This story clearly shows that if you put out your desires into the universe and maintain a positive attitude you will be able to achieve what you want. I am so excited to begin this journey in about two months!!

Crossroads

  There comes a time in everyone's lives that they will experience a crossroads. A time where you don't know which direction to go in. Do you go down the road that is familiar to you simply for the sake of similarity or do you take the new road and as Robert Frost would say "the road less traveled".

 The crossroads is a very symbolic image of how my life is going currently. For the past eight years I have been running in the direction of my future and I am finally at the point where I have to stop, take a breath, and choose which road to travel down. It is both exciting and terrifying. I am soon going to be starting nursing school and I am so excited to start but at the same time I am sad that I am going to be leaving my current job. I have been working here for almost 2 years and it will be hard to imagine doing anything else. There are so many new things that are happening and I know the next couple of months are truly going to be a time of change. There is going to be lots of new experiences and there will be lots to learn from them.

I think my new theme song is "Go the Distance" from the movie Hercules. This song is a very inspirational one because it truly preaches that no matter what is going on you CAN achieve all that you set your mind to. I know the next year is going to be a very challenging time for me. Starting nursing school, learning a new method of studying, living on my own and so much more. The next year is going to be full of lots of changes and just need to remember that I CAN go the distance.

Letting Go

Letting go is perhaps one of the hardest things we have to do in life. At some point or another in life an individual will be wronged in some form or another. It can be as simple as a negative comment made to you by your boss, it could be the destruction of a friendship, or it could be the loss of a loved one. Naturally in these situations we harbor on the hurt the situation has caused us and this leads us to wonder about the "What if?”

What if I did a better job on that project at work would my boss still be upset with me?

What if I didn't say my true feelings about my friend’s significant other would we still be friends?

What if I just admitted my faults with my ex-boyfriend would we still be together?

These "What if" statements are poisonous to us and only hinder our ability to grow as people. Festering on negativity will not help us at all. The reason why we cannot fester on past experiences is due to the fact that these occasions are in the past and there is nothing we can do to CHANGE what has already been done. Instead we just need to let go and move on with our lives. Everything in life happens for a reason and even if we think we caused something to go wrong we simply have to let go and move on.

The reason why festering on a problem is so detrimental to us is because it prevents us from moving on with our lives. If something does not go your way simply takes the lessons you learned from that situation and move on. This may be hard at first however it will truly pay off in the long run. Even if you don’t get what you want now through the practice letting go and moving on you can possibly open an even greater door that will lead to all that you ever wanted.

Unexpected Miracles

I am sure a lot of individuals have heard the saying: "God works in mysterious ways". This is truly an understatement because there is so much to be grateful in our everyday lives that we often take for granted. The simple act of waking up is truly a blessing! I often have trouble seeing all of the good things that I am blessed with in my daily life however through continued work I am starting to see how all of the little things really should be appreciated.

I would like to share a story of mine that occurred recently that truly shows this philosophy. When I was younger I got a dog and the minute I got him he and I were best friends and were inseparable. In fact I read books to him in his dog house! Years went by and we both grew older and unfortunately last year it was his time to go to heaven. I was completely devastated and thought that I would never have a dog like him again.

A couple of months went by and my family got an opportunity to adopt another dog and immediately my guard went up and I wanted nothing to do with it. I was still hurting from the loss of my best friend and I did not want to feel like my best friend was getting replaced. Despite my feelings we did indeed adopt this dog and it was one of the best things we could have done. This dog is an angel and not only helped me grieve the loss of my first pet but he also brought our family closer together. I am eternally grateful for the way this animal was able to not only mend my heart but completely help to intensify the bond of my family.

As you can probably tell from the above story I am an absolute animal lover and I frequent the pound a lot! Recently I went in and I was driven to a particular part of the dog kennels. I have no idea why I was drawn to this part of the kennels but I went with it. I was looking around and to my surprise I saw a little doggie that was an exact replica of the dog that helped to intensify my family’s bond when we got him. I immediately was drawn to this dog. I figured there would be no way I would be able to get her because she was so cute but to my surprise she was available to go home that day! I was floured and because my family was talking about getting a new dog decided to adopt her.

She has been a part of our family for a couple of days and already we are completely in love with her. Not only is she such a sweetheart but she also has some of the attributes of my first dog who passed away and is a reminder of the great bond we shared. I love how no matter where we are in life something can happen that will allow you to see the grace of God and how when you least expect it he will give you something you have always wanted.

Blessings and Regrets

Wow! It has been a little over a year since I had created this blog and made my first post and a whole lot has happened in that time. Some great things have happened and also so stuff that is not so great. However in that time I truly learned a lot. I have lost people that I thought were my friends and also gained a lot of truly incredible people in my life. 2012 was a truly tumultuous time for me and it was truly a time of reflection and gaining a better understanding of WHO I TRULY AM.

I have learned a whole lot in the past year and most important I have learned that I cannot impart judgment on others and although I may not agree I should just let things be as they are. This is an incredibly hard thing for me due to the fact that I am very outspoken when I see something I do not agree with. I am working on accepting all things and people just as they are. Although looking back at 2012 it was a year that was full of hard lessons to learn I am truly blessed that they actually occurred because although at the time these lessons were hard to learn they allowed me to become a better person and truly see the person I would like to become.

So what is happening now? We are pretty much at the end of March and I am now just writing about 2013? Yes! 2013 is really turning out to be a great year so far because guess what! I got into my DREAM SCHOOL for nursing school!!!! WOOO HOOO :) Western University of Health Sciences for the MSN-E program. I am so excited to start in August. This is just one step closer to achieving my dream of becoming a nurse. Tuition is VERY expensive so I am currently trying to get as many scholarships as I can.

I am going to try to write more blog posts then I did in the past. Probably at least one per week to help keep a blog of what is going on in my life.

Until next time try to discover the hidden treasures in YOUR life. :)