Leaping with Faith

Each and every day in life is a new adventure that allows for the continued growth to become better individuals than we were in the past. Each step we take further enables up to make a bigger step in the future and further enhances our being.  Recently I really have seen this to be the truth, I feel like I am walking along a river and want to cross however the only way I can involve a variety of stones on the river. God gives us opportunities that he knows we can handle and he allows us to build our being through tiny steps. As I mentioned in a previous blog post I have been terrified of singing in front of others due to my fear of judgment that others have of my voice. I personally can hear when singers are flat, sharp, or not really on the correct note so whenever I do this I cringe and delete any recording I have completing. In the past couple months I have been trying to change this and embrace my voice even if it is not perfect.

This leap to sharing my voice started with a jump into the river.  

Step 1: The first stone that I jumped on was a tiny one so tiny that I almost slipped and fell backwards. This stone involved me singing in my car in the middle of an Applebee’s parking lot. I was terrified however it was progress it can be viewed with the link below.  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152576911519829&l=2777560836482667449

Step 2: The next stone was a bit larger and not as slippery. During a day at my clinical rotation the patients’ were participating in karaoke. The patients’ were enjoying themselves and they expressed that they wanted one of the students to participate so I figured that I might as well go because “it’s now or never to get over my fears”. I got up and sang “You Drive Me Crazy” by Britany Spears. While I was singing everyone at the nurses’ station was “rocking out” and dancing to the song. After I was finished I was greeted by tons of applause and high fives.

Step 3: At the beginning of the month I was involved in Sisterhood Shabbat at my synagogue and the sisterhood was all going to sing “Miriam’s Song” by Debbie Friedman. I was a little early to service so the Cantor called me into the sanctuary to practice the song. I sang the whole thing by self in front of the members who were present at time standing up on the bimah. While I was singing one little girl of one of the members was dancing and singing along. When I was done with the song the little girl came up to me and said “Very pretty” and gave me a hug. In reaction the river this stone was medium size one and although I was nervous I was easily able to get my footing.

Step 4: I signed up to be a part of a show for Purim so right after my song on the bimah I received by part, I was Vashti and my song was “It’s a Hard Day’s Night” by the Beatles. The song was rewritten for Purim and the show happened to be on a Saturday. Before I was about to leave clinical for the day I told my instructor that I was nervous about the show and the song and she was excited about the “musical” aspect of it so she had me sing my song! I was so nervous but it did it and after I was done singing she mentioned that my voice was “strong and soulful”. This stone in the river I jumped on during this stage was on was very large and I was able to jump to it with no problem.

Step 5: Finally the night was upon me, it was the night of the show despite my nerves of making it to the last stone to get to the other side of the river I jumped and then this happened.

 

 

Throughout the past month God had been giving me little tasks to complete in order to show me that I could perform in front of a crowd and that I should share my talents with others. Don’t be afraid to share your talents with others because each and every one of us is blessed with a variety of talents that should be shared.      

To Be Happy You Must Find Yourself

All of my life I have been told that happiness was a choice however I really never believed this phenomenon. I have always let external events and people control my happiness as mentioned in a previous post. I always thought that others controlled my happiness and I could not do anything to change it because external events were triggers for my unpleasant feelings. It has been said that in order to love another you must love yourself first and this is absolutely true however I really never found this to be true as well, that is until recently.

 Recently I experienced a major setback that threw me a loop and I was not sure what I was going to do and I felt so confused. Instead of going to a negative point of view I decided that this is the time to change and I decided from this moment onward I wanted to change who I was. No longer was I going to let others control my destiny but I was going to actively change my life for the better. During my low point you can say that I lost myself but it was not a bad thing because the part of me that I lost was the negative and doubting person I used to be, I lost the girl who always cared what others thought about her, and I lost the girl who constantly needed approval to know she was doing well in life. I found a strong and confident woman who was always willing to go the extra mile to do the right thing. I found a woman who will help others in any situation, I found a woman who is one with God and who absolutely loves and adores him. I found a woman who is legitimately happy and who wishes only happiness on others.  I am a woman who loves others for who they are, no longer do I judge others but rather I accept their differences and look at how we can work together to better enhance the world.

There is no way I could have gotten to the place without my family, my friends, and people who I can legitimately talk to about issues in my life. Perhaps the greatest factor that allowed me to find myself was TBI. About a month ago I walked into the Friday night service and I was welcomed by everyone with welcome arms. I was extremely nervous because I had never been to a service before however from the minute I walked into the sanctuary I was welcomed and felt one with God. I am so grateful for this experience and ever since I walked in that Friday I wanted to become more involved so I am actively involved in TBI events and I even joined the sisterhood. I look forward to Friday nights each and every week.

Finally I would like to thank everyone who helped me get to this place because I finally found myself and the true woman I am supposed to be. I am so extremely thankful for everyone who helped me I am eternally grateful. I have found the true me and I can proudly say I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life.

 



 

 

 

 

 

A Week in the Life of a Nursing Student

I wanted to share a little bit about how my week plays out as a nursing student. I am fortunate in the fact that I have more time off this semester than I did last semester however I am crazy busy all the time. Looking back to my undergrad years I always had time “after homework” however in nursing school that does not exist. My school is an accelerated program so we are constantly on the go and learning new things. Each class has homework of at least 5 chapters each week to prepare for the lecture that week in addition to a variety of projects and papers spread intermittently throughout the semester. Additionally there is always at least one quiz during the week and we have times where there are marathon tests. I currently am at the tail end of one of those marathon test periods. I have already taken 3 tests in the past 3 weeks and I have two more coming up!

Every day is a study day for me, here is a little glimpse into my life as a nursing student.

Monday- My catch up day, meaning 12 plus hours dedicated to studying and reading.

Tuesday- My morning is dedicated to studying then in the afternoon and evening I have 7 hours of lecture.

Wednesday-My morning is filled with 3 hours of lecture followed by about 3 hours of lab and then 2 hours of another class.

Thursday- This is one of my clinical days where I get to put the skills I have learned to practice.

Friday- Another “rest” day! Again dedicated to catching up on readings and studying so another 12 hours.     

Saturday- Clinical day! I just like on Thursday get to put my skills to practice and help all sorts of individuals in the hospital setting. This is a 12 hour work day.

Sunday- Time to rest- aka study all day! 12 hours

Then repeat!

Although it may seem incredibly intense which it is, I absolutely love it and would not trade it for anything. Of course throughout my day I find time to eat, sleep, worship, and hang out with friends. One thing that is so important is to find a balance in your life. This is not only applied to nursing school but just in general to achieve a happy and healthy life.



Have a wonderful week lovely readers!   

 

Peace Starts with Yourself and Grows

     Each and every day I love to surround myself with positivity. I always strive to find joy in each day even if it is simple as serving another with a good deed. Personally I love wall art that has inspirational sayings on them, one that I particularly love has the following saying: Peace Starts with Yourself and Grows. This is by far one of my favorite sayings because it is absolutely 100% true! Each and every day we wake up and we have a choice to make, either we can chose to be happy or we can chose to let outside forces and people control us.   


Growing up I unfortunately had the mindset that others controlled my destiny and I let other people get to me. For example I found myself commonly thinking that my own happiness or lack thereof was caused by others. This occurred for me commonly in middle school, a time where kids are extremely cruel, and as a kid you have no idea who you are. Reflecting back I put my search for happiness into the hands of others. My thoughts consisted of things like I would only be happy if the popular girls like me, or I would finally be happy if I was able to get all A’s.  This mindset continued into my high school years and into my college years as well. It was not until I started to serve others that I found this mindset was not true.  Peace and happiness are internal elements that WE create in our lives. If a person is constantly going through life with a mindset that they will one day find happiness the bottom line is they will never find it because happiness and peace are internal factors that we CHOOSE to bring in our lives. Peace comes from within ourselves and can be manifested by works that we do, but ultimately it is a choice we make each any every day. Remember you CAN find happiness and peace in your life, you just have to stop looking for it externally and rather look within yourself.     

Playing "The Game of Life"

Have you played "The Game of Life" when you were younger?  I know I have multiple times, both as a board game and as a computer game, it is a really fun game however hidden in the game is a concept that there are set times that things should occur. This concept is really personified in the computer version because the voice in the audio track constantly says Stop then some sort of life event. These include STOP-College graduation, STOP-Get a job, STOP- Get Married, STOP- buy a house, and finally STOP- have a baby. When playing this game as a kid I was constantly ready to get to these STOP locations because I wanted to advance in my future of the game. I remember that I would get upset if someone got to a STOP point before me. Fast-forward years later and between the game and society this linear pattern of time and accomplishments has be implanted into my brain and at times I feel less than I am when somebody else makes it to a STOP point before me.

While I was at UCLA I took an education class where the professor challenged this linear concept of time. He taught us that we don’t have to follow a set path that is laid out for us by society and what we think in correct in our mind. If we do follow it, then it will end up in heartbreak when we don’t reach a certain goal in the time we thought we would. An example of this can be seen by my age and the next step in my life which would be getting a job/marriage based upon the linear pattern of time. My mom got married when she was 24 years old and this year I am turning 24, if I define my life accomplishments based upon the linear concept then I am behind in my life plans compared to how my mom was. Looking back at my mom’s life she and my father had enough money to afford a house and already had stable jobs. For me personally right now I am in the middle of nursing school so my life is dedicated to studying and I have no time for a job to make some extra money. Additionally when looking at marriage right now, although I would love to be married, I can’t because I personally am not in a place to be married, unlike my mom at 24, I cannot afford to purchase a house. Do I define my success in life based upon the fact that I am not married and currently have no job? If you follow the linear pattern of life then yes because I am not in the place my peers’ are/mom was.

I am not going to lie, I used to follow the linear pattern but a couple years ago I realized that this pattern of thinking is only detrimental and absolutely absurd. There are no set times when we accomplish tasks, if my best friend gets married before me it does not mean that I am less than her. I really want to stress the concept that your life is yours and you only live once. If you go around defining your success based upon where you are in “the game of life” compared to others you will never feel accomplished. Rather going down this destructive road make a list of things you would like to accomplish in the next 10 years with absolutely no deadline. By doing this you are making a goal list rather than a timeline. You are the person who controls your life not others, embrace each day not as a race to get to a certain goal but rather a blessing that has an infinite amount of possibilities

Imperfections

Do you always feel the need to be perfect in your life? The need to succeed and be the best at everything you set your mind to? I know I have had this trait for a long time in my life, however recently I realized that this need to be perfect is actually negating my wellbeing. Perfection can be thought of like a social construct, it is understood by a variety of people however very rarely is it achieve by these people. We are all human and therefore we can never be completely perfect, from time to time we will make mistakes however that means that we are trying and therefore living our lives.

Although I am a natural performer when it come to the theater arts, I am ABSOLUTELY TERRIFED to sing in front of others if it is not a character in a play. My need to be perfect always prevents me from sharing my voice with others because whenever I record something I sang I can immediately hear the sharp notes and flat notes of certain parts of songs. I shudder and delete the song immediately. I am trying to stop this behavior however because I will never sing a song that is perfect in every way with every note. I have never formally been trained in singing (unless you count all my elementary school years haha ) and I am not a recording artist where I can stop the song and rerecord a specific element I messed up on. This made me realize that it is okay to mess up and it is a part of being human.



Also you do not have to like the song and if you don’t keep your opinions to yourself, I only allow positivity into my life. Enjoy and have a blessed day!


https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152576911519829&l=2777560836482667449

Look for the “Positives” of Life

How many people always focus on the negatives in life rather than looking at positive elements? I know I am a culprit from time to time however as an unwritten resolution for 2014 I am trying to look at the positive elements in my life. For one, positivity this will allow a person to achieve a greater level of happiness in their day to day life. Additionally who wants to be a sad sack all of the time?  This morning I woke up and discovered that something I was planning on for a couple of weeks was switched around so that I had to change around my plans. Well the old me would have become really upset and sad for a little while. Did I do that? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Instead I dealt with my initial upset and then decided that I was going to see what I could do about it. After much thought I realized that this switch may actually benefit me and I decided to move on with the day.

                As one final hurrah before the start of the spring semester, my sister and I had lunch plans so we went to my favorite Thai place and we had a nice relaxing lunch. After that I wanted to show her the local trendy thrift shop and we decided to split up and find lots of cute clothes. In the store I immediately began finding lots of great deals on name brand clothes and accessories such as Nick and Mo, Forever 21, Nordstrom brands, as well as Coach.  To my surprise all of the items I was finding were ½ off the ticketed price which meant I would really save a lot of money! I basically got my items for $5 and under! This is AMAZING and I attribute it to my positive look on the situation and the day. Who knows if I would be open to shopping if I continued being upset about the situation that I previously experienced earlier in the day.  

I would really like to challenge you to try to see the positives in your daily life as you really will see that it pays off in the long run.  Remember smile each day and try to bring a little bit of sunshine to the people around you it really will pay off!