Leaping with Faith

Each and every day in life is a new adventure that allows for the continued growth to become better individuals than we were in the past. Each step we take further enables up to make a bigger step in the future and further enhances our being.  Recently I really have seen this to be the truth, I feel like I am walking along a river and want to cross however the only way I can involve a variety of stones on the river. God gives us opportunities that he knows we can handle and he allows us to build our being through tiny steps. As I mentioned in a previous blog post I have been terrified of singing in front of others due to my fear of judgment that others have of my voice. I personally can hear when singers are flat, sharp, or not really on the correct note so whenever I do this I cringe and delete any recording I have completing. In the past couple months I have been trying to change this and embrace my voice even if it is not perfect.

This leap to sharing my voice started with a jump into the river.  

Step 1: The first stone that I jumped on was a tiny one so tiny that I almost slipped and fell backwards. This stone involved me singing in my car in the middle of an Applebee’s parking lot. I was terrified however it was progress it can be viewed with the link below.  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152576911519829&l=2777560836482667449

Step 2: The next stone was a bit larger and not as slippery. During a day at my clinical rotation the patients’ were participating in karaoke. The patients’ were enjoying themselves and they expressed that they wanted one of the students to participate so I figured that I might as well go because “it’s now or never to get over my fears”. I got up and sang “You Drive Me Crazy” by Britany Spears. While I was singing everyone at the nurses’ station was “rocking out” and dancing to the song. After I was finished I was greeted by tons of applause and high fives.

Step 3: At the beginning of the month I was involved in Sisterhood Shabbat at my synagogue and the sisterhood was all going to sing “Miriam’s Song” by Debbie Friedman. I was a little early to service so the Cantor called me into the sanctuary to practice the song. I sang the whole thing by self in front of the members who were present at time standing up on the bimah. While I was singing one little girl of one of the members was dancing and singing along. When I was done with the song the little girl came up to me and said “Very pretty” and gave me a hug. In reaction the river this stone was medium size one and although I was nervous I was easily able to get my footing.

Step 4: I signed up to be a part of a show for Purim so right after my song on the bimah I received by part, I was Vashti and my song was “It’s a Hard Day’s Night” by the Beatles. The song was rewritten for Purim and the show happened to be on a Saturday. Before I was about to leave clinical for the day I told my instructor that I was nervous about the show and the song and she was excited about the “musical” aspect of it so she had me sing my song! I was so nervous but it did it and after I was done singing she mentioned that my voice was “strong and soulful”. This stone in the river I jumped on during this stage was on was very large and I was able to jump to it with no problem.

Step 5: Finally the night was upon me, it was the night of the show despite my nerves of making it to the last stone to get to the other side of the river I jumped and then this happened.

 

 

Throughout the past month God had been giving me little tasks to complete in order to show me that I could perform in front of a crowd and that I should share my talents with others. Don’t be afraid to share your talents with others because each and every one of us is blessed with a variety of talents that should be shared.      

To Be Happy You Must Find Yourself

All of my life I have been told that happiness was a choice however I really never believed this phenomenon. I have always let external events and people control my happiness as mentioned in a previous post. I always thought that others controlled my happiness and I could not do anything to change it because external events were triggers for my unpleasant feelings. It has been said that in order to love another you must love yourself first and this is absolutely true however I really never found this to be true as well, that is until recently.

 Recently I experienced a major setback that threw me a loop and I was not sure what I was going to do and I felt so confused. Instead of going to a negative point of view I decided that this is the time to change and I decided from this moment onward I wanted to change who I was. No longer was I going to let others control my destiny but I was going to actively change my life for the better. During my low point you can say that I lost myself but it was not a bad thing because the part of me that I lost was the negative and doubting person I used to be, I lost the girl who always cared what others thought about her, and I lost the girl who constantly needed approval to know she was doing well in life. I found a strong and confident woman who was always willing to go the extra mile to do the right thing. I found a woman who will help others in any situation, I found a woman who is one with God and who absolutely loves and adores him. I found a woman who is legitimately happy and who wishes only happiness on others.  I am a woman who loves others for who they are, no longer do I judge others but rather I accept their differences and look at how we can work together to better enhance the world.

There is no way I could have gotten to the place without my family, my friends, and people who I can legitimately talk to about issues in my life. Perhaps the greatest factor that allowed me to find myself was TBI. About a month ago I walked into the Friday night service and I was welcomed by everyone with welcome arms. I was extremely nervous because I had never been to a service before however from the minute I walked into the sanctuary I was welcomed and felt one with God. I am so grateful for this experience and ever since I walked in that Friday I wanted to become more involved so I am actively involved in TBI events and I even joined the sisterhood. I look forward to Friday nights each and every week.

Finally I would like to thank everyone who helped me get to this place because I finally found myself and the true woman I am supposed to be. I am so extremely thankful for everyone who helped me I am eternally grateful. I have found the true me and I can proudly say I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life.