How do you Become the Person you've Forgotten you Ever Were?

How do you become the person you’ve forgotten you ever were?

This is a line from the Broadway play Anastasia and recently resonated with me. As an artistic person at nature, I find a lot of inspiration from art, nature, and plays including musicals so naturally this line struck a cord in me. As children we are fun, optimistic, and the world is our playground, however that fun and optimism begins to fade away we realize that we cannot simply glide through life with no worries at all. As we grow we have constant growing responsibilities which continue to grow in complexity as we age. Things that we thought were a big deal as children or even as teenagers do not seem to be a problem in adulthood and we do not even bat an eye at them. Yet as we age these responsibilities mean a lot more and our very livelihood can become compromised if we do not meet these demands. Mortgages, bills, insurances, living expenses, and providing for children and your family can often become the driving forces behind the work that you do. In addition to this social media creates a world which allows individual to compare themselves to others and this can lead to depression and feelings of failure at the own accomplishments you have made.

How them do we disconnect from this and attempt to be like that carefree child we once were? I am currently working on this, however find myself struggling at times. I would like to get back to that child who was constantly happy and extremely carefree, in fact my uncle called me Sonny because I was always smiling and found the beauty in everyday. I would have fun at softball tournaments and always was playing and pretending very often playing make believe at these tournaments with my brother. The softball tournaments became a different world and we would save the world from monsters or compete to see who could run faster to the snack bar. When I was a child at school  I foolishly buried a leaf at my elementary school  with my best friend with the hopes that I would dig it up years later and would find “my leaf” as part of my very own time capsule. While all of these things are slightly silly it was who I was and I would like to get back to that happy and carefree child I once was. As adults it is hard to be carefree with all of our responsibilities. However, we should make an effort to become more carefree in our lives in some form or another. Don’t get me wrong as as extremely hard working person I am not going to throw my responsibilities to the side, however I am going to try to find at least one thing in my daily life I can do which brings me joy and allows me to be like that carefree child I once was.

Have you lost the person you once were? If so I would like to hear from you and would love to hear your experiences about what you did and/or how you plan to overcome it.

Connect Back to Reality

Do you frequent social media sites? If so how long do you spend on these sites? Are you more fully engaged into the social media world or living in the present moment? While the intent of these sites is to allow us to connect to those in distant places and share aspects of our own lives they become a crutch and we become addicted to them. Each and everyday I see individuals buried in their phones ignoring family and friends everywhere because what is on their phones is “more important.” We are so adamant about being on our phones that we have forgotten how to interact with others face to face.

        When I was a kid the phone was only found in the home and cameras still had film that you had to take to the store and develop. I remember always wanting to go with my mom to pick up the pictures because I would wonder what the pictures would look like and the element of surprise was very exciting. Now we live in a world where we constantly take multiple pictures to “get our best shot”, and use filters which edits our every flaw. Our lives have gone from private and shared with our family and closest friends to extremely public to the point that anyone can complete a search on another individual and discover a variety of information. With a simple phone number and name, you can find out a large amount of information about another person you have never met.  While the intent of social media as mentioned is to connect us it actually is disconnecting us. Social media is also creating a society that is addicted to the validation that posts bring to them. Very often instead of posting something to share a memory individuals are posting on these platforms for the sole purpose to obtain likes, comments, and the positive validation that these bring. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with sharing a memory however a problem exists when posts are for the sole purpose of validation. Ten years ago when social media sites were just in their earliest form no one would think to share photos of their daily lives or meals however this is a reality and a constant in our daily lives.

In addition to the problem of validation for the individual who is posting, a problem also exists for the individual on the other side of the screen. While it is a common knowledge that posts are a false reality of an individual’s actual life, this illusion of a perfect reality creates a world were individuals compare themselves to others and judge their own self-worth based upon others successes. Comparison can create a negative sense of self- esteem, and feelings of failure in life that a person in not at the point in life that they are supposed to be at based upon where others are in their lives. Countless study have found a correlation between comparison that individuals make between others and themselves on social media sites. A study by Primack et al. (2017) found that there was linear associations between the number of social media platforms that were used and both anxiety and depression. Furthermore, for individuals who had more social media platforms specifically seven to eleven this odd increased.  It is interesting that something which was meant to connect us would actually be contributing negatively to our mental health.

Do likes really matter? See the beauty in each and everyday.

Something needs to be done about this problem about oversharing for validation and comparison from the viewer.  While we will never go back to the time before social media existed I wish we could do something like it. At this point in time all that can be done is a social media detox and time dedicated to actual interactions between friends and family. At the end of the day the question can be posed, what is more important millions of likes and friends on social media or lasting meaningful connections with others in real life?

 Please enjoy this classic song by Simon and Garfunkel which highlights the problem we face today.

Reference

Primack, B.A., Shensa, A., Escobar-Viera, C,G., Barrett, E.L., Sidani, J.E., Colditz, J.B., James, E. (2017). Use of multiple social media platforms and symptoms of depression and anxiety: A nationally-representative study among U.S. young adults. Computers in Human Behavior, 69, 1-9.

Disconnect to Connect

Technology has come a long way in such a short time, it is to the point where technology literally rules our lives on a daily basis. Technology is present when completing homework for school, using a computer on the job, or as a means for paying for things literally at any store.  It is seldom that a day does not go by where some form of technology is used. Growing up I remember a time where technology did not completely rule daily life and during this time, my imagination was my playground. As a kid I would play make believe outside, would get lost in a new world while reading a book, or would have fun attempting to solve a jigsaw puzzle or would build my own Lego city. Times sure have changed, and nowadays kids are glued to some form of technology and this often becomes a kids “go to” form of fun. While there are still kids who play on the playground and have fun “the old fashion way” more often than not kids are glued to technology. Kids are not the only culprits however; it seems like everyone is vulnerable. I have seen parents at the park on their phones instead of watching their kids, two individuals on a date who are both on their phones as opposed to talking to one another, and see on a daily basis individuals documenting their lives through some form of social media. Call me old school but I don’t think this is really necessary to document everyday occurrences or share every aspect of life with the world. I certainty have shared things in the past, however I do so pretty seldom.

A couple of weeks ago I left the house and forgot my phone and decided to leave it because in reality I did not need it. The day was extremely beautiful and instead of taking a picture to remember the moment in the future I was able to cherish the moment and appreciate the moment for what it was. This unfortunately is no longer occurring and we turn to social media to remember practically anything. Our lives are defined by how many followers or “friends” we have, or are defined by how many likes we get. The more friends or likes that are obtained on social media often define how a person feels about themselves however this does not need to be the case.  While technology and social media were intended to connect individuals, it has been increasingly disconnecting us. Individuals never talk anymore, instead they rely on text messages or a computer to communicate which can often cause confusion in how to interpret a message. Individuals do not savor a moment, instead as I mentioned previously they immediately post it on some form of social media.  Call me crazy but I think this needs to stop, in no way am I advocating for eliminating technology and social media, I think that we need to reduce the amount of time that time that is spent on or with technology. Call it a technology detox but try to eliminate technology from daily life in increments such as 30 minutes at a time daily to use this time to connect to others. A technology detox will help individuals to appreciate the small things that often get ignored and taken for granted on a daily basis. While I am very grateful for technology and all that it can do, I do believe that we are too reliant on it therefore in order for us to better connect with one another we must first disconnect.